a smaller, shinier onion

I remember watching a austrailian miniseries years ago about four young women who go into a convent and how their experiences shaped them. One of the nuns said that the self is like an onion, and the more you peel away at it, trying to "find yourself," you just end up becoming a smaller, shinier onion. So here I am, peeling away at the various layers of my self.

I quit smoking because I was tired of having an addiction that determined more of my daily activity than anything else. My day would be planned around when I could have a cigarette. I got up an hour earlier that I need to just to have time for a cigarette in the morning. When I was lecturing, I kept looking at the clock to see when class ends so I could smoke. I chose restaurants based on their smoking policies and resented having to go someplace where I couldn't have a cigarette, even outside. Then one day it changed. I had promised T that I would quit after the holidays, and when the time came, I found that I honestly wanted to quit. I used the patches provided by my medical insurance and have been quit for five months. This shiny layer of my onion is still difficult to peel off, because in many ways I still think like a smoker and resent how the limitations our "smoke free" world alienates smokers.

At the same time, I decided to lose weight and joined Weight Watchers. Every one I spoke to was surprised that I would take on quitting smoking and losing weight at the same time, but it worked. I've lost 16 lbs so far, which is slower than I hoped, but I have made progress. It was frustrating for a while becouse I kept gaining and losing the same pound for a number of weeks, but I pressed on and tracked my points. I started to work out at WSU's Fitness Center, but I actually gained a tenth of a pound when I was weighed last week. I konw, I know, it's a teeny amount, but anyone who has used Weight Watchers understands the frustration of working so hard only to find that not only didn't you lose anything, you gained instead I've been going to the gym five days a week, walking and running on a treadmill, along with riding bicycles with T or my dear friend Missy, who is also my Weight Watchers leader. Hopefully I'll see better results at the meeting this Saturday.

Finally I have decided to stop eating meat, which has made going out to eat a wee bit difficult in a small town like Winona. There really aren't many good places to eat, and the ones we have don't have any vegetarian entrees except for the Chinese restaurant. Luckily I've been finding some good recipies on the net but they're hard to find amidst the "Becoming vegan" websites. But I don't want to be vegan. What I do want is to learn how to maintain or improve my health now that I've given up eating meat.

I've also been devoting four hours a day to go in to my office and work on my dissertation. I am starting my third section (with my 5th and 6th chapters). It's really nice to have a space of one's own to do my work. At home there are too many distractions, like my handsome husband T or our corgi Cooper, both always ready to play.

I know that the result of all these changes will be to reveal a smaller, shinier onion. A smoke-free, smaller me with a Phd!